To preschool or not to preschool . . .

We are grateful everyday for the simple fact that we both get to work from home and our daughter is watched by her nanny just upstairs from our home office. This meant that we didn’t have to choose between work and missing a single moment of her infancy, breastfeeding versus pumping or formula supplementation, dealing with recurring childhood illnesses, or concerns about safety or sanitation or enrichment of an out-of-home day care. This is not to say that there haven’t been other conflicts when it comes to how to parent or feelings of overwhelming guilt at not being able to spend more time with our baby, but at lease we can pop in anytime for a kiss and a cuddle. But our “baby” is quickly approaching two years old and the time has come to make a few decisions.

Although she has always been very social and appreciates the company of other babies (and children, but she still refers to them all as babies), she has also been granted the gift of one-on-one interaction since she was born. There is always a minimum of one adult interested in her actions and chatter and newly learned behaviors and a non-stop cheering section to reward her. For our efforts, she’s a confident, loving, happy child with an expanding vocabulary and a growing understanding of counting and reading and interactive role-play. She’s reasonably good at sharing (given that her natural instincts as a toddler is to hoard and protect) and is sweet and generally polite (again, given that they are natural sociopaths at this age) and compassionate about the pain and suffering of others (“baby cry!” is often followed by a soothing pat on the shoulder, which is an improvement from the sympathetic crying she used to engage in upon hearing a baby cry). But all of those admonishments to “be gentle” and “be kind” and to share and not to hit or shove or bite (luckily a very short and transient phase) or throw have caused her to be overly passive in a group setting.

It’s a fine line between raising a sweet, compassionate child and fostering a future victim of bullying. Her father’s solution to this dilemma is to train her in four martial arts and let nature sort it out. Practical as this may be, currently we have a sweet little girl who is often the victim of being pushed or shoved or sat on (which happens more often than one would think). But how do we correct this without going too far in the opposite direction?

And on a completely different vein, are we doing what is best for her to submerse in her a daily environment of mostly adult-to-child interaction? Would she benefit from greater contact with other children on a regular basis? Would she learn greater self-confidence and assertiveness if placed in a take or be taken environment (I thought kill-or-be-killed was a bit much for this example)? So we have come to the point when we must decide whether to start preschool when she turns two this summer or wait another year.

Selfishly, I love having her home with us and being able to hear your tiny, sweet voice at lunch and snack breaks calling out “mommy!” at the baby gate to the home office. I love how she runs unerringly into my arms and hugs me oh-so-tight and delivers a sloppy, wet kiss on my cheek (“kiss too!”) as she settles into my lap. Granted, I’m fully aware this is because I happen to be the gateway to her preferred addiction to Sesame Street on my computer, but I’m willing to take it wherever it comes. I have had the privilege and great pleasure of putting off actually leaving my child for work for almost two years. Can I willingly now place her somewhere out of the home for 8 hours a day? I have a hard enough time with business trips that take me out of town for a couple of days, knowing that I will have plenty of cuddles to come back to when I return. But is my selfish need for her time and attention preventing her from healthy social growth?

For now, we continue to do what we believe is best for her and give her all of the love and affection and time and attention that she needs. She will be two soon enough, and three too for that matter, much sooner than we would like. So why rush a decision that the future versions of us can handle when that time comes. For now, we’ll just enjoy our biweekly playdates and family outings to kid-friendly environments and memorize every cuddle and kiss for the inevitable day when she boards that kindergarten school bus for the first time.