If Women Ran the World . . .

We've been hearing about these "mommy wars" for sometime. The battle lines are drawn many different ways: stay-at-home moms versus working moms versus hybrid moms (who apparently run on electricity alone rather than coffee? :); "traditional" moms versus hippy-liberal-cloth-diapering moms; trendy moms versus super-couponing moms; and so forth and so on. Now, I'm not suggesting that dads do not also have their allegiances and alliances and there are just as many categories dividing up the spectrum of modern-would-breastfeed-if-he-could-dad to the deadbeat-sperm-donor-dad, but having only ever been a mom, I'll try to stick with what I know (at least other moms will just lambaste me with evil eyes and critical comments - dads may very well come out of their minivans at me with baseball bats and dusty beer bongs).

This is a difficult country for a mom. We were raised in the post-feminist world in an academic environment that encouraged autonomy and ambition for girls equal, or greater, than boys. But we were also raised with the expectation of the whole package - job, husband, baby, house, car, pets, hobbies, etc. Unfortunately, as any woman who has tried to attain this "work-life" balance will tell you, the day is about 18 hours too short to make all of that possible. And there are major stresses for all types of moms today: the working mom goes off every day with a significant guilty chip worried about losing her job and worried about losing her child's affections; the stay-at-home mom worries about family finances and the burden of juggling multiple responsibilities at alleviate the tasks for their working spouses; the hybrid moms get both the benefits and burdens of both types of moms; and the single moms have stresses both unique and common to all of the other types of moms. Each case is different, every mom unique, and yet the struggle to have it all, to be it all, remains universal.

Part of the problem remains that we have "evolved" into a different society and community over the last century and with it comes a subtle, subconscious break down of the family. In the past, households were intergenerational. Grandparents would help to raise grandchildren while the parents were off to work. Even in households where multiple generations did not coexist, most families remained local to the regions where they were born and raised. This meant a large support network of grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. It indeed used to take a village to raise the next generation of children . . . today, apparently it takes abundant coffee and a calendar that would make airport transit schedules look simple and a well-stocked minivan. Oh, and a healthy nest egg wouldn't hurt . . .

We live in times where a single, high-income family or a double middle-income family household will still struggle for the assets that supported the lifestyles of our grandparents or even our parents. The ability to buy a house and two cars and put your 2-4 children through college is difficult for many middle-class families and will become increasingly more difficult over time. The current estimates suggest that a child born in 2010 will require at least $125,000 at birth, invested over 18 years, or $1,300 per month, every year over 18 years, to afford the $600,000 college bill that will be required for four years of private or out-of-state education. These numbers assume unregulated tuition hikes that are consistent to current trends without increased rates of inflation.

Recent articles have suggested that women now make up a greater proportion of the population, not just in the general community, but in college and post-college education. However, the numbers continue to be grim for comparisons of salary and rank within companies and professions. Of all of the many causes that have been examined, one of the more disturbing remains the "mommy-track." Among the industrialized nations, the USA falls last with regards to maternity leave (and in fact, shares rankings with such illustrious countries as Swaziland, Lesotho, and Botswana. Maternity leave in the USA is unpaid, and may be up to 12 weeks, but only for employees of middle to large corporations. Small corporations and businesses with less than 50 employees are not obligated to follow these guidelines.

What does it say about a country to places so little investment in the future of its children? Many double-income households are double-income due to economic necessity. However, even after the maternity leave period, child care is rarely provided or subsidized by companies, and not at all by governments, state or federal. The average median female income barely pays for the cost of daycare for one child, let alone multiple children. Is it any surprise then that there exists a "brain drain" of female talent among many industries at the age where women should be most valued. The career of the thirty-something woman is a pivotal point. She has completed her education for the most part and early training opportunities. This is the decade where she can begin to produce real products and establish her trajectory for the rest of her career. What do we say as an industrialized nation when we present her with the unenviable position of choosing between a long sabbatical from her career or the guilt-ridden hours at a job where the take-home salary just covers childcare?

These are difficult times . . . maybe it would be nice to reach across the aisles of the "mommy wars" and address some of these common concerns and worry less about the cloth vs disposable battle or the formula vs breastfeeding debate or the numerous "sleep training" methodologies out there. It should not be the American Dream to be able to afford to house, clothe, and educate your child. Perhaps it is naive, but it would be nice if this was the inalienable right of all children living in the wealthiest nation on Earth: a place to learn, a doctor to keep you well, healthy foods to help you grow, and a place to call home.