Keepin' Up with the Joneses

. . . takes a lot of extra storage space and a sociopathic disregard for your checking account balance. There is no shortage of items to acquire when you first find out that you are expecting. There are chains of warehouse sized stores out there to cater to your every whim, and plenty of awe-inspiring boutique stores, not to mention the shoppers-paradise known as the internet. And with all of that mind blowing merchandise comes an impressive array of blogs and critiques and lists and guidelines as to what you will need and more importantly, what you will want. But there are the basics: crib, stroller, carseat, highchair, rocking chair, feeding equipment (e.g. bottles or pump or whatever), and diapers. Everything else is lovely, but again, auxiliary. And having free reign to search and find and acquire all of these wonderful items is every pregnant woman's dream (and secret obsession - I swear this is how I wore out my trusty laptop, not with the hours I spent actually working on it).

Growing up in a yuppie, upper middle class city near a major metropolitan city imbued in me a certain set of morals and a certain level of taste which I'm not always proud to admit to having to others. But there it is - I like nice things. Let me qualify that though: I like nice things that are (1) functional, (2) practical, (3) aesthetically pleasing, and (4) adorable. Unfortunately, we have found in the course of our baby equipment buying experience (and registering for our wedding and furniture shopping and life in general) that all of those criteria have one trait in common: they are expensive. So it's probably no surprise, certainly none to anyone who knows me well, that we went for some of the most expensive items out there. Some I admit, were less practical than my justifications of their cost would like to suggest, while others are real lifesavers (well, at least timesavers, which is synonymous when you're a busy parent).

The fancy stroller (and less fancy, but just as desired back up stroller) that was supposed to last five years (see "Getting Baby from A to B") are both in storage. The Scandinavian, solid wood Svan brand high chair that blew away the competition and that I had to have has been taking up valuable kitchen floor space ever since we started eating at counter height and the chair was made for table height. The Baby Bjorn travel crib (which is really something, given it's five pound weight and the five second set-up) and the rolling carseat (to combine stroller and carseat into one neat package and to avoid disassembling our day-to-day fancy carseat from the car) are both real timesavers while traveling. But having a child who is not the world's best sleeper (to put it mildly) has kept our travels to a minimum. So both of those are also in storage.

That beautiful, organic crib set and blankets that I couldn't pass up? Well, turns out that (a) blankets are not safe for infants and (2) our baby turns sleeping into a decathalon, so keeping a blanket on would be laughable and (3) if you cosleep with your baby until she is 8 months old, the lowest crib setting that you have to use negates the ability to use the crib skirt and apparently (4) crib bumpers are also a safety hazard. Regardless, those monkey sheets are adorable and she loves to use the monkey blankets to tuck her baby dolls in to sleep.

Also, that must-have, new age, hippy baby hammock that helps lower SIDS and soothe colic and helps newborns sleep better? Not so great for a baby who prefers to sleep on her stomach (yes, she was placed on her back in her bed, but we swear she learned to roll over early expressly in order to sleep on her tummy). It worked great as a night time swing, but then, the mechanical swing that plugs in and requires no human effort worked just as well. Oh, and said mechanical swing was also the snazziest on the market - also used for a grand total of two months before our not-so-petite baby tried to crab walk and houdini herself out of it.

Other baby must-haves had greater staying power. The cosleeper lasted longer - mostly because it became a home for her stuffed animal collection and toy bin. The Inglesina portable high chair we bring with us to every restaurant, although she rarely stays strapped in for an entire meal. Her Britax Advocate carseat is a real monster in size, but works like a dream. And her Haiku diaper bag keeps me organized and curtails my over-packing tendencies with its modest size. And although this is not technically baby gear, we have become psychologically dependent upon our minivan. It is a member of the family (with a name and everything) and makes parenting really just that much easier. And on days when you are running solely on fumes, that makes a difference.

So after all of those hours of research and bargain hunting and installation, parenting has been stripped to the necessary minimum of accessories: carseat, diaper bag, portable high chair, minivan. And in all honesty, it's quite freeing and lovely to lighten up. So the Joneses can have their plethora of baby gear - we're going to the park!