Milk, milk, everywhere

One of the more heated debates in motherhood these days is breastfeeding versus formula and some variation thereof. The public health campaign of “breast is best” has had both positive and negative effects on new mothers everywhere. On one hand, more woman are trying breastfeeding than in a generation (both my husband and I as well as many friends in our generation were bottle fed). Many scientific studies, both laboratory and population based, have found the benefits of breast milk on various development systems in infants, both physical and mental. The evidence seems mounting that overall, breast milk has definite positive effects on an infant, both the actual content of the milk as well as the psychological effects on the bond between mother and child, and the physiological benefits to the mother. But in all of this positive propaganda, a murkier, more subtle negative undertone pervades. If “breast is best,” then what do we make of women who “choose” to bottle feed?

Well, as in all matters regarding parenting, it’s just not quite that simple. First of all, breastfeeding isn’t instinctive and easy as the campaign (or Hollywood) would have you believe. Some women have real difficulties producing enough milk, or have some physical problem early on which creates difficulties resulting in a lowered production, resulting in further difficulties satiating a hungry newborn. Some newborns have actual physiological difficulties latching on due to the shape of their mouths and tongues. Also, more cesarean sections are performed than ever before, and newborns are often given a bottle or two or more of formula in the hospital while new moms are recovering and dads and other caregivers assisting the recovering mom continue to give bottles of formula upon arrival home. In addition, many women have short maternity leaves and cannot or do not wish to pump upon return to work and this has a strong impact on continued breastfeeding after the initial weeks. All of these reasons, and many more reasons, mean that fewer woman are breastfeeding. But the pressure remains from doctors and the public health community and perhaps even friends and family to breastfeed, when perfectly valid barriers exist to prevent many women from breastfeeding at all or as long as they may wish.

So in addition to sleep deprivation, overwhelming anxiety to be successful at parenting, an almost obsessive-compulsive watch over weight gain (baby’s not mama’s) to measure ability to thrive, and still finding time for the basic daily needs of food and shower (or at least a vigorous brushing of the teeth and mouth wash), new moms are also under pressure to succeed at breastfeeding and to continue to do so for the 6 month recommendation from the CDC and public health and doctors. I would personally encourage anyone and everyone to give it a good try (“good” in my opinion being at least two weeks when your milk has finally come in and should be at it’s highest supply and latching has become more accomplished by baby). However, I would also strongly emphasize that anything to allows a new mom to be the best mom she can be for her baby, is what is best for that baby.

Stress and anxiety will not help either mom or baby, and an entire generation or two of children have been raised on formula and thrived and succeeded just fine. Breast or bottle, children respond best to moms who are (relatively) well rested and happy and comfortable in their new roles. No amount of health benefits from breast milk are worth the amount of guilt and grief many new moms face when turning to formula and bottles. It’s not poison, it’s not even a poor substitute, it’s just food, and the baby will be fine, really and truly. There are enough worries, real and otherwise, that face parents today, let’s at least agree that as long as baby is fed, we’re doing just fine. Now if we could only find a surefire way to get them to sleep . . .

[in the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that we are still nursing at 21 months, only at bedtime and first thing in the morning, and when we wean is a topic for another day and another post . . . ]