One, Two, Many

The members of the Pirahã tribe have a counting system that consists of "one," "two," and "many." Here in the US, we can boast such media darlings as the Duggars or the OctoMom family or the Gosselins, or for that matter the Jolie-Pitts. There seems to be an explosion of pregnancies and babies everywhere. Statistically, the birth rate has actually started to increase for the first time in years. The babies of the baby boomers are now having babies themselves.

Just in the last two weeks, there have been 7 announcements from our close circle of friends of imminent babies that will arrive this summer. This is just to add to the other dozen or so friends and acquaintances who have made announcements in the last three months. Aside from being thrilled for our friends and wishing them the best, this also inspires in us (a) great anxiety about what's in the water, (b) the desire to buy stock in Babies R Us, and (c) a little betting game of "who's next" that makes complex NCAA championship office bets look like child's play (I hope that made sense seeing as neither of us knows anything about sports or works in an office). But a greater fear also arises - are we dooming our child to a life of solitude and strange-kid-status being a singleton? Should we have another child? Preferably in the next five minutes??

Many of the announcements these last few months have been from friends who are having their second or third child, and the number of only-child families in our playgroup dwindles daily (although the number of families intending on only having one child is minute, like one, like us). As it is, we try to remain diplomatic and open-minded about the possibility of another child, if only to maintain these new friendships and not get booted out as the strange, large-family-phobics that we may seem to be to others. But deep down, we are still quite committed about our one child policy. There are many reasons we have cited in the past about this policy when further questioned by family and friends.

College is expensive and will only become more expensive. Children who receive lots of time and attention early on thrive with one-on-one interaction. My husband was raised an only and I have a dicey relationship with my siblings at the best of times (also, they are much younger and therefore I was raised as an only for many years). We are enthralled with our toddler and can't imagine loving another child as much or taking any time or attention away from her. We really like sleep, I mean, really, really like sleep and we will only be older the next time around and less equipped to deal with chronic sleep deprivation. What if we end up with a psychotic sociopathic child? Okay, maybe that last one was a bit facetious of an argument.

Unfortunately for me, my biological clock is a heavy hitter (and therefore we were among the first of our friends to have a child) and I really adore babies, in the way that others might adore puppies or hot fudge sundaes. And the recent abundance of cuddly newborns and beaming, beatific pregnant friends inspire new feelings of envy and outright need in me that are harder to quash than before. I love cuddling other babies, dandling them from under their arms and admiring their tiny, perfect toes. I love the very smell of them and the way they snuggle into your arms. But, they are not mine and these moments are borrowed.

What I love more is my own baby, even if at 21 months she is very much a toddler and many steps out of the realm of infancy. But after years of cuddling delicious newborns, she was the first that they allowed me to keep. And despite all of the sleepness nights and the bone-crushing tiredness of chasing her around, she is the cuddliest and loveliest little creature that I have ever had the privilege to know. So in the end, what I realize that I really want is this: a time traveling device that will let me step back into those moments throughout her infancy and just relive every little sensation and then come back to the present to admire the bright, lively, happy, gorgeous little girl that we get to parent. Because I don't just want another newborn, I want MY baby, and I wouldn't mind if time stood still now and then and she could stop growing up quite so fast. But we are happy with the one, because she's this one, our one, and luckily we have many friends who are still willing to let me get my fix from cuddling their little ones. They can have their twos and many's, we still cherish and adore our one and only.