Walk a Mile (in my sticky, blotchy, cereal-encrusted shoes with bubblegum on top)

A friend of mine, who does not have children, recently posted this poll:

“Ok, FB friend..help settle a debate. This is especially directed to parents with young children. Is it rude to tell someone that they or their kids are being too loud in a restaurant,coffeeshop,business,etc. How would you, as a parent,react if a stranger approached you and asked you and\or your children to be quiet(er). What would be inappropriate? How would you like being approached? How not?”

There were a variety of responses, but what really struck me was the big divide between those with kids and those without kids. To grossly generalize, those without kids were mostly unsympathetic to noisy and rowdy kids running wild in public, especially restaurants, coffee shops, and movie theaters. Those with kids were divided between those were sympathetic, and those who believed their children were always well behaved and respectful in public (or whose children would be removed if they were otherwise).

From my point of view, I can sympathize with all three points of view. Despite what my frazzled appearance may suggest, I remember the days before children. I remember going out to nice restaurants or the movies and being aggravated by unruly children. But that was in the halcyon days before children, where I sincerely believed we would live these all-natural, no-tv, only homecooked meals and riveting conversations around the family dinner table, attachment parenting lives (feel free to laugh hysterically here – I just did).

But then we had kids, which is a 24/7, 365 kind of commitment. No weekends, vacations, or sick days (well, mostly) – that’s a tougher gig than even the most rigorous residency, investment banking, or second year associate in a law firm kind of job. And the reality is, those brief tantrums that others are witnessing (e.g. suffering) may be annoying for those few minutes (or if you’re unlucky, a transpacific flight), but those parents are dealing with it daily. Every day, weekends and holidays too. So give us a break. We’re really doing the very best that we can, even if sometimes that does not seem to be enough.

Afterall, the table of drunken football fans spilling their beer and obscenities everywhere is just as distracting for us as our food-throwing, juice-spilling children are to you (actually, I’m pretty sure I’ve been food fights among sports fans as well). As are rowdy bachelorette parties, fraternity brothers on spring break, sorority sisters out bonding, or extra-loud tourists everywhere . . . there is a time and a place for peace and quiet. It’s probably at a yoga class or waiting in the doctor’s office exam room. But it most likely is not at a chain restaurant on a Friday night or even a “nice” restaurant at a weekend brunch. Relax, and have another cocktail. At least you’re not worried about them serving it to your child by accident!