Like many folks, New Years Resolutions for me have been just a game of chicken against the clock, and the clock always wins. Past resolutions of great hilarity include giving up caffeine or alcohol or getting to the gym more or giving up sweets. It’s like setting up an obstacle course for yourself that you can’t possibly do, then turning out all the lights, tying your shoelaces together, downing a tumbler of tequila, and then attempting the course.
The last year, 2011, was a rough year for many of our friends, rife with illness and the loss of loved ones. As we begin 2012, we can only hope that this new year, this bright shiny slate of opportunity and luck, may be full of possibility and growth (and most importantly, of health). So this year, I’d like to try a different approach. Not less ambitious, but more positive. Instead of the things I’m going to give up (like potatoes, and boy do I love potatoes), I’m going to do more, embrace more, just be more.
(1) Complain less and embrace more the time with my child.
We’re all tired; the kind of mind-numbing, down to the bone weary that a direct IV of coffee can barely touch. But I look at photos of my 3.5 year old, as I assemble holiday cards or photobooks, and it shocks me –every- time how much she has grown. And there is a sadness, both unique and universal, to parents as they watch their child grow. I want to be more present, more aware, and more in the moment when it comes to enjoying the time with my child. Exhausting and infuriating as she is in the moment . . .
(2) Be more grateful for my health and for my body and mind.
I can easily summarize all of my New Year Resolutions into one category: lose weight and get healthier. But I had this realization the other day – what if this is as good as it gets? I’m not saying that I plan to forgo the extra helping of veggies or kicking my butt to the gym more (because goodness knows I need both), but ten or twenty years from now, I will marvel at how limber and spry I was in my early thirties. The time to get off that sofa and go, go, go is now. I may not be in the shape I want to be in, but I might be in better shape than I will be in a decade or two. So let’s embrace today and do something fun (that also happens to be active).
(3) Experience new activities and foods and experiences.
It’s easy to rest on your laurels. To remember all of the amazing adventures and opportunities you engaged in during your youth or 20’s and 30’s (or 40’s and 50’s). But time moves forward. And I do not want it to progress without me. As the pajamas and sofa and television call, I want to continue to challenge myself and my beliefs and to move forward. What will I try in 2012? Hopefully several new things I have never experienced before.
(4) Learn to love more easily, and to forgive more completely.
It’s an easy cliché. My dad didn’t spend enough time with me, my mom didn’t understand me, my friend betrayed me, and my in-laws are . . . well, my in-laws. But at some point, we mature beyond our external environment and our relationships. You may love them or hate them, but family is family and that will always be true. I hope to find more about my family to love, and learn to forgive past transgressions. Not entirely for my daughter’s sake, but also because it takes too much energy to hate and resent one another.
(5) Learn to love food again, in all its complexity and simplicity.
I love vegetables. I can’t cook them very well, but I love them. And all of the experts agree – there’s no such thing as too many veggies in your diet. I hope to eat more real foods, and really savor them. In “The End of Overeating,” the author notes that the best diet is “to eat food, only food, in moderation.” So before popping that Dorito in my mouth, I’ll ask myself, “is this the very best potato chip I can possibly eat?” If not, then it’s just an empty calorie and not worth it. The chocolate truffles from a 5-star restaurant on the other hand? Yes, please!
(6 ) Find more time for myself (and learn to say “no”)
We all wear many hats. I’m a mom and a wife and a sister, a daughter and friend and co-worker and employee. And a dozen other little jobs as well. But first and foremost, I am also personally responsible for my own bliss. It’s time to reclaim my bliss. To carve out those few minutes a day I need to recharge and simply be me.
(7) To find new ways and remember old reasons for loving my husband
We are approaching our 7th wedding anniversary this summer. All jokes aside about the 7-year-itch, it’s nice to remember sometimes why I said “yes” in the first place. Especially when dishes remain unwashed, laundry remains in baskets, and lists remain unchecked. And if we’re going to make it to our 50th anniversary, we need to not only continue the romance, but learn to grow together as we grow individually. I have some friends that are taking a curling lesson together next month. Once I stopped laughing, I realized it was incredibly sweet.
(8) Make more quality time with friends.
I’m really good at organizing get-togethers and parties. I thrive on the planning and execution, and the energy of the event. Although it is stressful, I love the happy chaos of a good party. However, I rarely get to spend any meaningful time with anyone at these mini-raves. I strive to carve out more one-on-one quality time with good friends, maybe even learn new things about them and be more available to listen.
(9) Do more for the environment and my community.
I’m a lazy environmentalist. We recycle, buy organic and sustainable goods (when possible), and minimize wastes (food, paper, buy secondhand, etc.). But most of this is minimizing the excess of living in a 1st world nation. I don’t really give back at all. This year, I hope to do more. Maybe plant a veggie garden with my daughter and expand her love of nature (she’s already a treehugger and I have the photos to prove it!).
(10) Be less neurotic and obessive.
My husband is constantly reminding me that my “way is not the only way.” And infuriating as that is at the time (because seriously, there is clearly an efficient way to load the dishwasher and an insane way to do it, but that’s beside the point), he is right. Life is too short to stress about the little stuff. And almost everything is “little” in the grand scheme. So find the few things that are deal breakers (mostly safety-related or health issues), and every thing else is simply a preference. And when all else fails, flip a coin, and pour yourselves a drink.
